Alex Harries's diary

Once again, I'm complaining about the University - sorry to bang an old drum, but here goes...

For those of us who have had academic issues (or, if you're like me, you've just been a bit too lazy the last year) and have had to take resits during the summer before you can get your final degree mark, you probably already know the marks were decided at a board last Wednesday (or so I'm told).

Now, I'm not an impatient person when it comes to matters about the University - I learnt a long time ago that things just take a long time to happen there, but I don't think I'm being entirely unreasonable to ask that, 5 working days after my exam results were finalised (and weeks after my resits were marked), I still can't find out what mark I got, and whether I've passed my degree or not.

I appreciate the departmental offices are up to their eyeballs in admin work related to outgoing and incoming students, and the department's telephone operator I spoke to on the phone last Friday - who told me the resit results would be on our portals two days ago - sounded so harrassed I felt genuinely sorry for her.

I also understand that the long-awaited (and heavily delayed) move to the University's all-singing, all-dancing, silver bullet Jupiter records system is expected to be a cure-all for the problems surrounding the student portal, among other things.

Once again, it seems, the student portal is the weak link here as, despite being the University's "official"* method of communication with its students, the information it's presenting is the usual combination of out-of-date information and undecipherable anagrams (although I guess I ought to be grateful it's working at all, unlike - for example - this time, this time, this time, this time, and this time. Ahem...!). I mean, what's going on here?!

If you're in the same boat as me, please let me know in the comments thing below. If I hear anything from the University to explain what's going on here, I'll be more than happy to put their views forward as well.

* I use the term "official" in the loosest sense of the word here

/al - grumpy in Portsmouth, as usual ;o)

The student portal is broken. Again. Not that I like complaining about it, or anything, but this is frankly a joke, especially at this time of year.

Grrr....!

Have a good bank holiday weekend!! :o)

The student portal, bane of my life, and the one thing I love to whinge about consistently, is clearly expressing its feelings of neglect on this otherwise romantically-saturated day by throwing yet another paddy, so once again instead of a student portal, we have error messages and lots of strange-looking numbers.

Come on ISO, please sort it out. This is beyond any acceptable level of trouble for a multi-million pound system, and yes, I know you're changing over to Jupiter. I can even see how that might cause problems during the transition, but the error message showing there - "out of memory" - is much more likely to be down to poor code than new fighting with old.

How about if I say "pretty please"?

Yup, I can't be arsed to say any more than this:

• 1: The student portal has crashed again
• 2: This isn't the first, second, or third time I've come across this (this year alone - last year was just as big a nightmare...)
• 3: There's only one solution - drink. And lots of it...

Grrr......

/angrymunki 

This is starting to feel like Groundhog day for me...

Never let it be said that the University don't have any impressive strings to their bow: their student portal, an example of all that is good and great about Web 2.0-orientated design (sarcasm... sorry...), is clearly capable of working out exactly when its customers - us students - are at their most stressed and, using what can only be a form of advanced internet-based mind-reading technology, works out precisely the most important parts of its website that students will unfailingly need to use.

And then, possibly out of spite, or a very sick sense of humour, pretends it's broken.

Note the use of "pretends" - it isn't actually broken; oh no, it couldn't possibly be. That would imply the University have done something wrong, or at least that they failed to do something right, and we all know that's definitely not possible...

So, once again, as 20,000-ish students are desperately scrabbling around to revise for their exams, and need to occasionally check their student portals to make sure the goalposts haven't moved*, the University's ONE essential link to its students - the people who pay their wages, gas and electric bills, etc etc - has proven itself flaky, unreliable and about as much use as a Tetleys tea bag condom.

* Goalposts, movement of: when the University's exam portal categorically states that "This is the final and complete examinations timetable", and then you find out the exam you've turned up to actually took place last week, and for some unknown reason your portal didn't reflect that information, but since it only happened to you it "didn't actually happen and you're probably just making it up to get yourself an ECF".

... aaaand then it happens another 4 times, so you fail the year. Bollocks... 

Not that I'm not lazy - in some respects I'm useless (to paraphrase someone much more intelligent than myself, I want to learn; I just dislike being taught...) - but I'll swear on my last vestiges of charm and good looks that I'm telling no lies here.

Don't worry - I'm not angry. Just tired and more than a little stressed. Just as well I have the Top Gear website to check out instead, eh? :o)