Kev Waterfield On the Spot

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By Fraggy

Last updated: Wed 25th Oct 2006 at 00:17

Bar-man Kev Waterfield talks about Sally and who he'd drag to bed.

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Dish the Dirt
Gotchas

Question time!

Name:	Kevin Waterfield
Club/Society:	School of Rock, SSS, Society Exec, Boxing Team.
Position:	The praying mantis page 28.
Star sign/age:	Gemini/21
Status:	Single (Just me and Palmala Handerson)
Home town:	Southampton (Come on you saints!)
Big school:	Wyvern Technology College
Nickname:	Casanova Kev, Charcoal Charlie.
First Portsmouth curry:	Gate – tasted like brown water but better than the Akash.
Favourite movie:	The Blues Brothers.
What puts a smile on your face?	Chicks.
What wipes it off?	Chicks with Dicks.
Tip of the week:	Cold Potatoes ain’t hot.
Have you ever seen a badger?	Only Road Kill!
Where is the most bizarre place you've had sex?	Union Staff Toilets.
Most embarrassing moment?	Walk of shame from Hilsea dressed as the Todd from Scrubs.
Best chat-up line?	Aaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
Who would you drag to bed/kick out of bed?	Janet Hillier, Rena Ellis, Alex Tymon, Roz Lush, Sue Bennet, Kayleigh Middleton, Vicki Maynard, Jade Brennan, Elle Grey, Diana Langford, Jodie Austin, Hannah Seldon, Sophie Higgins, Natalie Conway, Emma Perry, Sarah Patrick, Sarah Essen-Blahl, Michelle Webster, Catriona McGrory, Susan Heap, Kat Lorran, Rhian“Security”Williams, Grace Venton, Adrian Fraguela, John Chapman, Pogo Tits, Pier Powell, Sarah Hesni, Charlotte Tunstall, Chris Yorke and his mum! MILF.
Who's your noisiest housemate?	Dirty Dec (That boy’s a dog)
Most memorable Pompey pull?	Fatty Ferguson – Her neighbours also remember, they wrote a polite letter!
Worst Pompey pull?	The one that sunk the Titanic.
Which Pompey sporto would you like to pull next?	Next one to touch her toes!
What was your first kiss like?	Itchy!
Have you got a sister?	Nope but sometimes I tuck my dick between my legs and call myself Sally. Man she’s hot!
Best Uni memory?	First orgy with the women’s rugby team, none of them turned up but I sill had a great time.
How quickly can you down a pint?	4.2 Seconds.
Favourite dressing up theme:	Pimps and Hoes.
Tell us a joke!	One day there was a blind man walking down the street and he smelled oranges, so he bought some fruit. He smelled some pastries, so he bought some donuts. Then he walked passed a fish market, took a hard sniff, and said, "Hello ladies!"
What 3 questions would you ask if you went on Blind Date?	What toy would you like with your happy meal? Ribbed or Sensitive? Lard or KY Jelly?
What word best describes your bedroom antics?	Real Freaky Naughty.
What questions were you glad you weren't asked?	Were the charges dropped? Did she regain the use of her legs? Who’s the lucky lady tonight?
What cartoon character best resembles you, and why?	Johnny Bravo – Whoa Mamma.
If you won the lottery, how would you spend it?	Have Hue Heffner bumped off and buy his shag pad!

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Gotchas

Whilst performing at the Freshers’ Ball Kev dry humped a girl he pulled up on stage with his guitar.
Kev set up the School of Rock society to pull “chicks” and has yet to uphold his presidential promise.
He dresses as a lady to impress gay men when he’s feeling low.
Kev’s dyed his hair black to look more “rock” and since then his hair has been falling out.
He got attacked on the way home one night by 11 year olds.
Kev popped his cherry 6 months ago!
He’s known to ask girls to flash when working at the Union.
His dress code is based on the Fonz.
Shaved his lower region into a guitar shape and asks girls to play it.
He’s waiting for a girlfriend to make love to him gently and likes rose petal baths.
He has a vast collection of butterfly prints, but hides them to protect his ‘rock/hard man’ image.He drunkenly fell off his chair at an acoustic night whilst performing.
At another acoustic night he forgot the words to a song and asked the audience for anyone else to play.
He once got faded off because he was to drunk to continue singing
Wears two t-shirts to look more buff!
He has a long but very thin Willy.
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Dish the dirt

Jason Stroud attends ballroom dancing lessons.
Tim Sawyer has had a breast reduction. Doctors have advised him to have a second op!
Nick Cunningham is pregnant with Jasmine.
Simon Howland has changed his job prospects so he can work his ambition to be Postman Pat!
Ross Jones loves fat Chilean birds.
Dave Fotherington has a babies arm for a willy.
Greg Josling gives bad blow jobs.
Thorney is ashamed to be a footballer quote ‘I hate wearing my social kit around uni’ and ‘I start on Pompey UFC legends’.
On antibiotics this week: Karl Llewelyn and Del Boy.
Thorney is a home wrecking adulterer!
Sammy T likes a good old tinkle in a cup and likes to get people to drink his nasty juices.
Steve Bo is pumping funds into terrorists.
Jak Cann takes 34inch waste jeans. Maybe he should get involved in future fitness sessions.
Lotty trashed his room after being given the Spanish archer by his girlfriend, again.
Mel: where’s your 10 quid?
Boden couldn’t handle the fact his job didn’t put him on top of the bachelors list but just gave him 100 texts a day from footballers.
Linesman Ladi.
Daniel Burns’ pet name is Chicken.
Rugby Tim’s personality is beige.
Fresher Goodie recently took home the hitcher from women’s rugby.
Fresher Cochrane recently took home a girl who proceeded to throw up all over his room and pass out.
Isaac has pulled many trumpers already.
Neil Barker you have changed.
Touch pint is the new touch cup.
2 pint Peters / Lightweight Luke.
A current member of men’s rugby 3rds is not allowed to shag a cheerleader as his cousin’s girlfriend will not allow this.
The sea cow’s sister is coming down next week, form an orderly queue guys.
Steve Coles recently slept with his best female course mate and is now looking for more.
A member of the first team rugby has thrush. Chin up Sleaze.
Hockey Kate thought that the YMCA dance was a set of random arm swings rather than actually spelling out Y-M-C-A!
Kate also first got her boobs out aged 12 against a local chavs caravan with his parents and family dog inside.
Wetball Mel had her first tongue snog when she was 6 – that’s one experienced Gosport girl.
Netball committee love kissball, FACT.
A certain netball social sec slept with foreign Kissballer, you really didn’t need to go that far to raise interclub relations.
Wakeboard J-Lo still can’t get any, 19 months……oh dear.
Fraggy ruined Rhian Williams’ life to the extent that an ambulance was called to try and salvage her off the floor, revenge will be oh so sweet……
Hockey President piss-pants can be seen featuring in a fully homosexual three some on the UPHC website.
Wakeboard ‘I cant believe you left me with the stalker’ Will got chucked out of Nicole’s bed at 4am after she read his text message to J-Lo quoting the above.
Matt Lewis – Sleazy’s Fresher – had a foursome with one bloke and 2 laydeez and was the only one who didn’t have sex… at least not with the girls of James Watson halls, you dirty lutts (Annie)!