Mel Ellwood On the Spot

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By Fraggy

Last updated: Wed 11th Oct 2006 at 11:54

Mel talks Gosport.

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Dish the Dirt
Gotchas

Question time!

Name:	Mel Ellwood
Club/Society:	Netball
Position:	WD/5th Team Captain
Star sign/age:	Aries / 21
Status:	Taken by a certain ‘talkative’ Welsh Rob
Home town:	Gosport Ghetto
Big school:	Bay House
Nickname:	Lutt muffin, Permatan, You’ve been tangoed!
First Portsmouth curry:	Rufus’s Manor- The Gate
Favourite movie:	Usual Suspects
What puts a smile on your face?	My Dildo’s
What wipes it off?	No batteries or putting it up an ex’s bum and him anally relapsing a Lott!
Tip of the week:	Don’t go to Southsea Health and Beauty for an eyebrow wax, I have none left!
Have you ever seen a badger?	Yes a big one!
Where is the most bizarre place you've had sex?	Down an ally behind The Gate of India, against a dustbin (that’s class!)
Most embarrassing moment?	Trying to rape Scotty Doo after a very messy pub crawl and at the time Scott was a virgin.
Best chat-up line?	Guess where we’re going? For some chicken and sex!
Who would you drag to bed/kick out of bed?	Everyone in flat 2, Havelock Mansions! Fitties!
Who's your noisiest housemate?	No one, it’s a privilege to be there in the first place.
Most memorable Pompey pull?	Rhian Williams, another fit Welshy.
Worst Pompey pull?	I don’t do minger’s!
Which Pompey sporto would you like to pull next?	Jodie Austin
What was your first kiss like?	A bit soggy but not as bad as some I have had since.
Best Uni memory?	Tour, Tour, Tour!
How quickly can you down a pint?	Fast as lightening.
Favourite dressing up theme:	Playboy Bunnies (I’m a reformed slut)
Tell us a joke!	What does a Mexican keep under his carpet? Underlay! (Thanks Shaggy!)
What 3 questions would you ask if you went on Blind Date?	How big is your bank balance? How big is your willy? Where do you live?
What word best describes your bedroom antics?	Wet, Wild and Gosport!
What questions were you glad you weren't asked?	How many people have I slept with, and do I like bum sex?
What cartoon character best resembles you, and why?	Betty Boop, I have no idea why!
If you won the lottery, how would you spend it?	I would spend it on lots of clothes, cars and nice holidays, standard stuff really! I may also treat my friends to a few cheeky snakeys too.

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Gotchas

When Mel went up for the first time to stay with Rob in Welsh land, she got so nervous meeting his friends and family that she drank herself stupid and then proceeded to be sick in his next door neighbours garden and then fall over the garden hedge.
Apparently Mel used to be a lap dancer.
On tour Mel spent most of her time on tour with her tits and arse out!
Mel had a bit of action on tour in the form of Maloney, Cheese that’s I’m going to say!

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Dish the dirt

Marisa, the dirty cheerleader slept with 2 kissballers and then found out in the morning that they were housemates. Now moved onto Joe Lott.
Scotty is finally having sex. No more extreme cuddles.
Alex H went cradle snatching last week.
A certain Hockey coach slept with Chedder’s little sister.
A Vegetable named 21 year old Cheerleader can’t bring her new boy friend into the Union – because he is only 16!
A hockey girl was so drunk on the 3 legged pub crawl that she walked into the Lemon Sole restaurant thinking it was a pub! She then shouted ‘where’s the bar?’ and then continued to knock over a 4ft vase. She was going to be prosecuted for criminal damage but then promptly paid the fine to a tune of £100!
Christelle of the Waverley road massive thinks Bognor Regis is in Scotland.
Tiny has huge black testicles! They were badly bruised after a bedtime session – he thought he had broken his penis.
Ski & Snowboard club have expert skills in concealing barrels of Cheddar Valley.
Ads from the Wakeboard club has his new homemade porn video available now via Bluetooth.
Jonsey made a fine job of redecorating Ryan’s car with ‘vegetable soup’- whilst driving it.
Extreme Cuddling Society members are disappointed in Scottie and feel he is no longer fit to be President as he now has a girlfriend.
Cheeky c@#$ Chris from the Snowboard club has been caught by his housemates ‘pushing the brown button’ whilst spanking the monkey.
Ultimate Frisbee – if a dog can do it then it’s not a real sport.
Rugby freshers LOVE the ball in hand.
A big time gymnast has been getting heavily involved with the dance club. Perhaps a little more than certain members may be aware.
Rich Hayward didn’t actually go on a diet it was lipo-suction.
Jamie P pissed himself 3 times in a night, on the dance floor and once on Wee Man off a podium.
Jaffa is carbo over loading until he goes on the Atkins diet.
Barker once last year pissed on his face trying to look down his japs eye and then kissed his girlfriend.
Neil Barker…. You’ve changed!

Star Gotcha:
A current rugby 1st team player received a blowjob whilst campaigning for Thoros from a young lady who was campaigning for Miss Jodie Austin. After releasing in her mouth, with a slight cum dribble, the young lady asked; ‘now will you vote for Jodie?’
Perhaps that’s how she won.