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Question time!

Gotchas 

• Darby pisses himself more times than it rains in a year!
• Darby’s girlfriend does not like golden showers even though he claims she does.
• Darby nicknames his penis, it’s called Gandalf.
• When Darby lost his virginity he snapped his banjo string, FACT.
• Darby lost his virginity with his step mums friend.
• Darby has ruined so many pairs of underwear he has to wear his girlfriends, FACT.    
• Darby has kissed more male blokes at uni than he has women, FACT.
• Darby can’t spell his name, FACT.
• Darby has ginger side burns but claims its how the light reflects off them.
• Darby runs like a chicken.
• Darby can fit into smaller jeans than his girlfriend FACT.

Dish the dirt 

• The captain of the Boxing club, Dan Hendy nearly knocked himself out before the fight against the Bournemouth ABC Middleweight champion by walking through a window instead of a door! Also congratulations on getting a girlfriend.
  
  • A certain women’s 3rd team fresher never wears any underwear out despite wearing tiny skirts every week. FACT!
  • Permatan can’t hold down a relationship with Boden for any longer than 24hrs at a time. Chin up.
  • Sex choc took home the man of her dreams best mate and rather than getting lucky proceeded to cry on him all night.
  • Pampers loves Tig. FACT!
  • Tig loves fresher pussy. FACT!
  • Fresher commando’s new man is gay. Yet she’s the only one left to work this out. FACT!
  • Kaly Smith (Netball kit sec) LEARN TO SPELL, be more veSATile.
  • Stef Dann thought her tits were so gorgeous that she showed them to a bus full of men's hockey, she was so proud that she shouted it too loudly in the Union with her boyfriend standing next to her, wooops!
  • Dramatic Eratic couldn't handle the thought of being a true Netballer so chickened out, chin up Rach.
  • Claire Schmitz took advantage of a certain Rugby fresher at last years’ Christmas dinner, how long did you think you could keep that quiet?
  • Women's football GK has a habit of jumping bins. We thought you'd learn your lesson after last time when you were taken home in an ambulance. Medical note - PFO (Pissed Fell Over).
  • Jack Cann wants a threesome with a penguin. FACT.
  • One of Darby's hockey freshers has never had a blow job, take one for the team Darby!
  • Mel Elwood thought she was looking alright on Monday so was up for discussing her promiscuous sex life live on telly.
  • Naughty Bear let his gay side out at a house party when a couple of girls dressed up as clowns walked in and he ran into the toilet like a little pussy.
  • Mr Incredible went mine sweeping and picked up a pint, proceeded to see it away and it turned out to be a pint of some else’s sick! That’ll teach ya!
  • Scotty has only got dyslexia when he wants it.
  • The women’s football social sec gained her sports captaincy by doing some horizontal jogging with her P.E. teacher.
  • Fresher Paddy admitted on the way home on Wednesday that he did not get breast fed as a nipper, instead he sucked his dad's cock as apparently a babies dummy resembles a penis. Strange Fresher.
  • Sammy T loves Latvians.
  • Steve Bowe hasn’t had sex for 6 months.
  • Rich Thornton has pulled more blokes than birds.
  • Jak Cann pretended to be on the phone until it rang whilst on his ear.
  • Simon Williamson will steal your bird.
  • Davids keeps stealing Cooky’s birds namely Annabel and Ponce.
  • Mark Reid rubbed his nose in a bum hole and couldn’t understand for 10 minutes why he could smell s**t.
  • Chappers, Llewelyn and Thorney are wanted by the RSPCA.
  • Crouchy had the big end of a spoon shoved up his arse by Reidy.
  • Beanpole loves CURVY ladies, FACT!
  • Rumour has it hockey fresher Chris has slept with Tash, well done for joining the club.
  • Milkshake’s pubes are longer than Coxy’s hair, FACT.
  • Beanpole likes asking his ex to see her ‘Fanny’ via video phone. (She said yes but he couldn’t get it up!)
  • Gay Ben is so thin he gets bruises from the wind.
  • Coxy hasn’t been laid for 3 years. His balls are the size of water melons.
  • Seth you have changed, you’re not fun anymore.
  • Scotty you dyslexic dwarf, you’re not big and your not clever.
  • Posh Andy has caught Darby’s wee wee bug, we now dub thee posh piss pants!
  • Seth fell asleep on the toilet 10 mins before an exam, so he had to repeat it in the summer, he failed and has had to carry it over.
  • Gobby loves CHINa, FACT!
  • Timmy and the Muddy Fox are now engaged. FACT.
  • Tigger is jealous of the Muddy Fox because she actually gets to sleep with Timmy.
  • Badders has a very small shuttle cock.
  • Coxy caught Mr T wanking into a cup.
  • Whitey has video footage of his girlfriend on his phone, FACT. If anyone wants to view it Darby has it on his phone too.
  • Warren can’t get laid on Wednesday nights, FACT!
  • Seth had a wet dream last week FACT!
  • Graeme picks his nose and eats the bogies, FACT!
  • Graeme is a secret gigolo, he has more late night rendezvous’ than a hooker.